Thing
by em2706
Summary: After two long years, Alex decides it's time to bite the bullet and tell Chris how he feels. Slash.


Alex sat on the end of his bed, nervously chewing at his thumbnail. He wished Chris would hurry up, because his apprehension was starting to make him feel sick.

He'd thought long and hard before deciding to do this. He and Chris had been friends for so long, they stood to lose a lot if this went pear-shaped. Still, Alex had decided in the end that he couldn't deny what he felt and chosen to press on with his plans.

Alex had been interested in Chris for just over two years. He'd spent that time watching Chris and wanting him, and trying to figure out whether acting on his desire would be a good idea or not. They had the tag team, the band, a largely shared social circle... it would be an enormous upheaval for both of them if it didn't work out. But every time he imagined waking up with Chris in bed next to him, groggily kissing Chris awake and letting his hands inch ever lower down Chris' toned abdomen, Alex grew a little more convinced that what they could share was worth the risk.

It had been sudden, the realisation that he had a thing for Chris. Chris had been drunk out of his mind, giggling and grinning like a tool as Alex tried to put him to bed. It took a lot longer than Alex had expected, partly because Chris thought it was funny to be as unhelpful as possible and let himself go completely limp, hanging in Alex's arms like an unusually heavy rag doll while Alex tried his utmost to heave him onto the bed, but mainly because Alex was wasted too. A wild lurch had succeeded in dumping Chris into bed, but it had taken Alex over on top of him. Chris had continued giggling idiotically, and Alex had found himself staring at Chris' mouth, wondering why he'd never noticed before how full Chris' lips were, and how soft they looked. Alex had refused to give in to the temptation to kiss Chris, knowing even in his drunken state that this was something he should think about.

He'd thought about it, for longer than he'd ever considered anything before, and he still wanted Chris. He wanted Chris sexually, enough that he had to look away now when Chris was getting changed because he didn't trust himself not to do something stupid, but the physical attraction was the tip of the iceberg. More than anything, he longed to go to sleep in Chris' arms, or with Chris in his, secure and happy with the man he was growing to love.

Tonight, he had decided, was the night. He'd been antsy at the tapings - so much so that he'd botched a promo and had to re-shoot - and even more antisocial than usual when fans approached him, because the knot of fear in the pit of his stomach kept making him feel like he couldn't breathe. He'd made his way straight back to the hotel once the tapings were over, while Chris had presumably gone off somewhere to inhale cheeseburgers. Alex was afraid that if Chris didn't get back soon, he may not go through with it at all, because he was second guessing himself further with every passing minute. This paranoia was exactly why Alex didn't usually overanalyse his desires.

He was surprised he'd waited this long. Patience was not one of his strong points; normally, when he realised he wanted someone, he acted on it immediately. Whether it was a rat he wanted for a quick fuck or someone he thought he might be falling for, Alex plunged ahead without a thought for the consequences, as though he was walking a tightrope and couldn't look down in case he psyched himself out. It was different with Chris though - Alex's feelings for him already ran deep, and for the first time Alex felt like the consequences really mattered. There was no safety net under Chris.

He suspected that Chris returned at least his physical desire, possibly more. He'd caught Chris looking at him with a faint smile on his face a number of times, his eyes clouded with something Alex couldn't decipher, and there was something about the unhesitating way Chris catered to Alex's ridiculous foibles that suggested there was something other than friendship going on, but Alex couldn't be sure until he laid it all on the line. If all Chris felt for him was lust, Alex was okay with that; he could work with lust. One way or another, Alex knew that if there was even the tiniest spark of attraction, he could work with it until he got the affection he craved from Chris. If there was a spark. If not, Alex was about to watch the friendship he valued more than any other go down the drain.

Alex was so nervous that he nearly jumped out of his skin when Chris rapped on the door. There was no question of it being anyone else; Chris always knocked with exactly the same rhythm. Wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans, Alex went to let him in.

Chris virtually trampled him in his haste to get in. "Quick, shut the door. I think I lost them, but I don't want to take any chances." Chris leaned back against the wall, panting for breath and smiling while Alex closed the door. "Man, Bubba can really shift it. And Chelsea's aim is a lot better than you'd expect."

Alex smiled absently. He generally loved hearing Chris relate the sordid tales of his juvenile antics (in the event that Chris had juvenile antics without Alex right there beside him), but tonight he had too much on his mind to have any significant interest in how Chris had tormented the rest of the roster.

Chris raised an eyebrow. Silence was something that normally only happened to Alex when he was asleep, and even then it was sporadic. "What's up with you?" he asked, pushing away from the wall and taking off his jacket.

"I need to talk to you about something." Alex forced a smile onto his face, but the dread was already creeping into his mind.

"Well, that sounds ominous." Chris threw his jacket onto the chair against the wall and went to sit on his bed. "Shoot."

"Right." Alex rubbed his hand over the back of his head, wandering over to sit on his own bed and face Chris. "Okay. Right. So here's the thing. We've been friends for a long time, right?"

"Yes," Chris said warily. Anything Alex was this perturbed about couldn't end well.

"Right. And it's been good. Being friends is great. But I think we should be something else." Alex faltered, falling silent again for a moment, but he drew in a shaky breath and made himself continue. "I kind of have a thing for you, had it for a while now. And I think you have a thing for me too... right?"

Chris didn't reply, and Alex searched Chris' face for any clues as to how he might be taking the suggestion, but Chris' expression was guarded and unreadable as he stared at Alex. Alex groped in a panic for something else to say.

"I thought maybe we could try to make something of it, see where it leads us."

Chris continued to stare, his face still inscrutable, and although logically Alex knew the silence only lasted for a few seconds, it felt like hours. Finally, Chris shook his head, and when he spoke his voice was flat. "No."

Alex felt his stomach drop, and then a blessed numbness seemed to spread throughout his brain, shielding him from his own emotions. He didn't know how long it would last, but he knew he didn't want to be sitting here looking at Chris when everything came crashing back. His throat felt dry, and he had to clear it before he could speak.

"No. Okay. Sorry."

He stood up and stumbled blindly for the door, and he fumbled the doorknob before successfully opening it and escaping the sudden oppression of Chris' presence. Chris remained motionless, staring at the space where Alex had been sat.

* * *

Chris was wandering around the Impact Zone when he came across Red. "Hey, man, have you seen Alex?"

"Yeah, I saw him earlier. Don't know where he is now though."

"You did? Did he seem okay?"

Red frowned. "Yeah, he was fine. Is there a reason he wouldn't be?"

Chris pretended the question hadn't been asked. "Thanks, dude."

Turning away before Red could press the issue, Chris went back the way he'd come. There was still a while before the tapings began, so he carried on with his search for Alex. He was about ready to give up when he turned a corner and ran straight into the man in question, making Chris trip over his feet and almost run headlong into the door of a trainer's room.

"Sorry, dude," Chris said with a grin. "Hey, so, you didn't come back to the room last night."

Alex smiled. He looked tired and subdued, and his bloodshot eyes suggested he might be a little hungover too, but he also looked relieved that Chris was still happy to talk to him. "No... my gear was here so there was no real need for me to go back there, and I figured we could probably both use the night away from each other."

"I wish you had," Chris said gently. "I need to talk some stuff over with you."

Alex sighed, glancing around to make sure they were alone. "I'll be straight up with you here, man, it's gonna take me a couple of days to handle the fact that you turned me down. But after that, if you can forgive me for making such a stupid suggestion in the first place, I just want us to go back to normal. Is that okay?"

"We can be exactly like we were before, but I still need to talk to you. You caught me by surprise, and then you left, and I didn't have chance to tell you why I said no."

Alex shrank back uncomfortably. "I don't think I need to hear that anyway. I get it."

"No, you don't." Chris looked around them for somewhere more private, and his eyes settled on the trainer's room. He rapped on the door, and opened it when there was no answer. "Come on." He tugged at Alex's arm, and when Alex resisted, Chris grabbed his wrist firmly. "Come _on_," he said insistently.

Alex reluctantly allowed Chris to pull him into the cramped little room, and once inside he didn't know what to do with himself. He thought about perching on the edge of the treatment table, but he decided that might look like he was trying to be suggestive, so he sat in one of the two chairs instead.

Chris closed the door and grabbed the second chair, pulling it closer to Alex before sitting down in it and leaning forward earnestly. "Have you ever noticed that you have a pattern?"

"A pattern?" Alex looked dubious.

"Yeah. When you were starting out and working with Jimmy all the time, you ended up in some weird kind of relationship with him. Then when you were in Generation Next, there was the thing with Austin. In the Embassy you had Jimmy 2. Shit, when you were doing that angle where you were working with Team Canada all the time you nearly fucked Bobby, and he's straight, for Christ's sake."

Alex shifted uncomfortably. "Where are you going with this?"

"You latch on to someone you're working closely with. You convince yourself you're in love with them, and embark on an intense and passionate relationship, when in fact it's all because they're right there in front of you. Then when the angle ends and you aren't together all the time anymore, and being involved with them isn't so easy and takes some actual work, you lose interest."

"That's a pile of shit." Folding his arms and frowning, Alex glared resentfully at Chris. "Every one of those relationships was genuine."

"Just because you don't realise you're doing it doesn't mean it's not true." Chris smiled wryly. "I'm not saying you deliberately use people for convenience. I think it's just that you don't like being single, and your subconscious pushes you towards the easy options."

Alex continued to scowl sullenly but he didn't respond, because if he was honest with himself, he knew Chris had a point.

Chris smiled again, trying to lessen the blow of the realisation he was forcing on Alex. "If anything, I'm surprised it took this long before you fixated on me. I was beginning to think we'd never have to have this conversation."

Alex sighed. "I'll concede that your theory may hold some weight. But that's not what's going on with what I feel now."

"Did you think that was what was happening with Austin? Because it looked to me like you believed every moment of it."

"No," Alex admitted. "And I wouldn't have guessed it would fizzle out like it did."

"You two were so intense, I doubt anybody else expected it either. But that's why I can't do this. Not now." Chris smiled consolingly, his eyes loaded with regret. "I like you too much to be one of your locker room flings."

"Yeah, yeah, you don't want to ruin our friendship, etcetera, and so forth. I've heard this speech before, I get it." Alex immediately regretted his bitchiness, but fortunately Chris knew Alex and his defensive belligerence well enough to ignore it.

"I don't think you do. That's not what I'm saying at all." Chris sighed, leaning back in his chair to put a little bit of distance between himself and Alex. "I'm saying, I _like_ you too much. Shit, if I didn't care, I'd be perfectly happy to make the most of the opportunity to fuck the hell out of you repeatedly, but you were right about me having a thing for you, and it's not something that's arisen in the few years we've been teaming together either. So I won't be a convenient lover for you. I couldn't stand knowing it wasn't real."

"It's not..." Alex's voice trailed away, and he stared at Chris in surprise as the words finally began to penetrate his skull. "You turned me down because you don't think I'm serious enough about you?"

"Yeah." Chris' carefully maintained mask briefly slipped away, and Alex was taken aback to see the same mixture of longing, adoration and lust that tormented him reflected in Chris' expression. Almost as soon as Alex saw it, it was gone, Chris' iron control back in place. "I think we have a shot at something really great. I'm not going to waste that by acting on it when it wouldn't mean the same to you as it does to me."

"What I feel for you..." Alex squirmed in his seat, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "It's not the same thing I've felt in the past. I'm pretty sure it _is_ real."

Chris grinned. "You have no idea how much I hope that's true." He stood up, and his grin faded. "When the Machine Guns are dead and buried, when we're not working together anymore and it would take actual effort for you to be involved with me, if you're still interested... ask me again."

Alex looked at Chris in silence, having a hard time wrapping his head around what Chris was telling him, and then a smile spread slowly over his face. "Ask you again," he repeated absently.

"Yeah. I'll be waiting for you." Chris strode over to the door where he reached for the door handle. "Shall we get back to work?"

Alex stood and stretched out his back, wincing at the series of pops it produced. "I guess we probably should." He went over to stand next to Chris, placing his hand over Chris' on the door handle in a mute entreaty not to open it quite yet. "There's just this one thing."

"And what's that?"

His heart hammering in his chest, Alex leaned forward and let his lips graze over Chris'. When Chris didn't pull away, Alex kissed him more firmly, letting his mouth open slightly to gain better purchase on Chris' lips. He felt Chris' hand moving under his, pulling away from the door handle and turning to lace their fingers together, and he tentatively let his other hand come up to cup the side of Chris' face. It seemed to go on forever, Chris' mouth soft and pliable as he yielded to Alex's gentle kiss, and Alex knew that he had to stop, or he and Chris would end up making love up against the door despite their best intentions.

Regretfully, Alex pulled away. His chest felt too tight and any lingering doubts about the veracity of his feelings vanished. He was in love with Chris, and if waiting until the Guns were a thing of the past was what it took for Chris to believe in that, then Alex was more than willing to oblige him, and cherish every bittersweet moment.

"Yeah, that'll keep me going for a couple of years," Alex said with a grin, and the depth of unguarded emotion in Chris' eyes when he smiled back made Alex want to lock the door and stay in that tiny room with Chris forever.

"It'll be worth the wait," Chris said, and Alex believed him. He knew that if this thing ever happened, it would make the time he had to wait for it immaterial.

Chris opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, and Alex watched as he walked away, at peace with his longing for Chris' affection. He'd waited two years already; what difference would a few more make?


End file.
